Maybe Fate Speaks Spanish

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Day 37: An Unexpected Realization

Cynical Dreams

Time with you has never been
anything but good
But I can’t seem to trust it
Like you’d think I would
When you’ve waited so long for something…
it no longer seems real
Now I’ve waited so long for this
it doesn’t seem real

And I find myself wishing on stars
for things I might already have
I find myself counting down to 11:11
Is this just a fantasy,
or could this actually be?

cynical dreams haunt my days
haunt my nights and they
fill me with fear fill me with doubt
cant seem to trust
something that could be so beautiful

You should know I don’t blame you
You’ve been so sweet to me
Still somehow I find myself
fighting uncertainty
Now I’ve waited so long for this
Believe that it’s real
Help me believe that it’s real

And I find myself wishing on dandelions
for things I might already have
I find myself blowing eyelashes away
Is this just a fantasy,
or could this actually be?

cynical dreams haunt my days
haunt my nights and they
fill me with fear fill me with doubt
cant seem to trust
something that could be so beautiful

Regret never got you anywhere

Time with you has never been
anything but good
But I can’t seem to trust it
Like you’d think I would

As always, things in italics are the things I want to change. I feel like they’re a little too simple right now, and seeing this song in the context of the overall record makes me realize that this a song about convincing myself to ignore those fears that come about in the beginnings of a relationship.

I’m an insecure person. Not as much as when I wrote this song, but still somewhat. Here, I’m convincing myself to ignore all the clues that have lead me to believe that the person I’m crushing on will end up crushing me and chalking those clues up to insecurity. Spoiler alert: My fears weren’t as unfounded as I thought. Regardless, to add some more punch to Hypothetic Contingencies, I’m going to play this one out from the views I had of writing it at the time. Plotwise, it’s more heartbreaking if I try to convince myself that nothing’s wrong here, tempering that with a dose of optimism, and then finding out I was right all along later.

Something that’s interesting about this song is that it doesn’t rhyme as much. If I remember correctly, that’s because this was also an improv based on maybe about an hour of trying to put something together, and so the words that came out were purely conversational, spur of the moment words. I don’t plan on instituting a rhyme scheme where there was none because I want to create some variety in my music. However, whether my brain will let me go through with that plan remains to be seen.

Musically, this song has a really lame bridge. If you refer to my last post, you’ll see that it is very much a placeholder bridge that I complacently accepted as finished. Last night, I started coming up with a more lyrically interesting bridge, so I’ll follow that through in the same thread as the optimism I covered earlier.

Also, melodically, the entire song was simple, save for the chorus. The chorus goes through four major chords: D C Bb A, which mirrors the optimism waning, yet my adamant refusal to let it go. This song, sonically, is not a sad song, and I don’t intend to change that. It reflects the theme, so it stays.

I have started working on this song already. I transcribed the piano two days ago, and came up with a new pre-chorus backing that’s much more melodically interesting and adds a countermelody in the piano. I am proud of that so far. As I started to transcribe the chorus vocals, I hit a snag as I realized that I was working within the same major second most of the time. I’m trying to figure out a new vocal melody for the chorus that works with the key changes every measure.

For the bridge, I think I’ll add the darkness there by going into the seventh of the song, which is what the previous bridge did, albeit poorly. Overall, the song is a march, so I’m thinking of arranging it as a march. The biggest motivating factor for this was that marches are fucking awesome. The second factor was that I don’t think I’ve ever written any other marches. The third largest factor is that it works with the theme of the song.

I want to put both a ska and a marching band tune in my record, but I don’t have any experience or resources to do so, so whether I’ll be able to figure that out is yet to be seen.